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  • Writer's pictureBrent D. Payne

SEO Jokes

Updated: Jul 8


The following jokes are from Claude 3.5 Sonnet on July 2nd, 2024. There was only very light editing done to these. We did prompt it for edgier and raunchier jokes however.

  • Why do SEO experts make terrible lovers? They're always obsessed with being and staying on top.

  • What's an SEO's favorite pickup line? "Hey baby, wanna increase my bounce rate?"

  • How do you know an SEO expert is at a funeral? They keep trying to improve the site's ranking.

  • Why don't SEO specialists need condoms? They never get past the first page.

  • What's an SEO's favorite drink? Black Hat on the rocks.

  • How does an SEO expert break up with someone? "I'm redirecting my love permanently."

  • Why are SEO experts terrible at hide and seek? They're always trying to get found.



  • How do SEO experts flirt? They send unsolicited backlinks.

  • What's an SEO's favorite position? On top.

  • Why don't SEO experts use Viagra? They prefer organic growth.

  • What's an SEO's favorite horror movie? "The Crawling Dead"

  • Why did the SEO expert go to therapy? Constant fear of being penalized.

  • How do you know an SEO expert is lying? Their lips are moving.

  • How do you know an SEO expert is broke? They're always begging for change.

  • Why did the SEO expert get kicked out of the bar? For excessive keyword stuffing in the bathroom.

  • What's an SEO's idea of foreplay? Whispering 'I'll show you my backlinks if you show me yours.'

  • Why don't SEO experts ever win at poker? They're always folding after the first hand.

  • What's an SEO's favorite way to get high? Climbing to the top of SERPs.

  • Why did the SEO expert get fired from the morgue? Kept trying to resurrect dead links.

  • How do SEO experts cope with rejection? They implement a 301 redirect to other emotions.

  • What's an SEO's favorite insult? 'Your mom's so fat, she's above and below the fold.'

  • Why don't SEO experts ever get drunk? They can't handle more than 5% content.

  • What's an SEO's favorite way to quit a job? 'I'm permanently redirecting my career path.'

  • Why did the SEO expert's family disown him? He kept trying to optimize their funeral announcements for better reach.

  • What's an SEO expert's idea of a mercy killing? Deindexing a site.

  • How do you know an SEO expert is at rock bottom? They're begging for links.

  • Why are SEO experts terrible babysitters? They keep trying to stuff the kids with keywords.

  • What's an SEO's favorite place to hide a dead body? Page two.

  • How do SEO experts deal with grief? They try to redirect it to a more optimized emotional state.

  • Why don't SEO experts have friends? They're always trying to manipulate their social signals.

  • What's an SEO's idea of torture? Forcing them to use Bing.

  • How do you drive an SEO expert to madness? Show them a site with comic sans font and autoplaying music.

  • Why did the SEO expert's kid run away? Got tired of being A/B tested against their sibling.

  • What's an SEO's favorite breakup line? 'It's not you, it's your domain authority.'

  • How do you know an SEO expert is having a mental breakdown? They start optimizing their suicide note for better visibility. [unedited, btw]

  • Why are SEO experts terrible at funerals? They keep suggesting ways to improve the deceased's legacy scores.

  • What's an SEO's idea of hell? An eternity of page 2 results.

  • How do SEO experts deal with their enemies? They bury them beneath pages of thin content.

  • Why do SEO experts always fail their diets? They can't resist stuffing keywords.

  • What's an SEO's favorite weight loss plan? The 404 Diet - error, food not found.

  • How do you know an SEO expert has an eating disorder? They're obsessed with thin content.

  • Why don't SEO experts need plastic surgery? They're experts at body content manipulation.

  • What's an SEO's idea of a dad bod? Having a robust sitemap.

  • How do SEO experts deal with body dysmorphia? They keep trying to optimize their meta description.

  • Why are SEO experts terrible at giving compliments? They always focus on the long tail.

  • What's an SEO's favorite exercise? Keyword crunches.

  • How do you know an SEO expert is on steroids? Their organic growth is suspiciously rapid.

  • Why don't SEO experts ever lose weight? They're addicted to link juice.

  • What's an SEO's idea of body positivity? Ranking well for 'plus-size' keywords.

  • How do SEO experts deal with bad skin? They try to improve their site's complexion with better CSS.

  • Why are SEO experts always hungry? They're constantly crawling for scraps.

  • What's an SEO's favorite brand of laxative? PageRank Flush.

  • How do you know an SEO expert has hit middle age? Their indexing speed starts to slow down.


And one of my own, "Why didn't the SEO's toddler ever learn to walk? It was too busy crawling!"

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